Leadership
by AParticularlyLargeBear
Summary: From a prompt; the pressures of command get too much for Trevelyan and she can't keep a brave face any longer. Cullen intervenes to lend a helping hand. M for a little violence.


"How long could they possibly keep this up?"

"Not long enough."

Another day, hearing that from Cassandra may have seen Ashlynn Trevelyan's mouth twitch into a wry smile. Not today.

Capturing Griffon Wing Keep had seemed like an excellent idea to begin with. The Venatori were deeply dug into the Western Approach; seizing their biggest stronghold would go a long way to loosening that grip, as well as give the Inquisition a foothold of their own. A swift and decisive strike, advancing in force would mean that other Venatori in the area wouldn't have the opportunity to respond. Ashlynn had given the order and the troops had moved in.

The plan of attack hadn't accounted for prisoners, a missing patrol that had turned out to be not so missing when the Venatori took the assault as a cue to slaughter all of them. They'd been left there to rot right in the middle of the courtyard, even as the Inquisition's forces battled their way past the cultists, seizing the keep inch by bloody inch. The Venatori were losing ground, but the Inquisition were losing men; Ash drew a lot of attention as a commanding officer, but the cultists had plenty of other targets to pick from.

Could Ash have taken Leliana's advice of sending in infiltrators instead? The keep wasn't in good repair, the walls were scalable. Ash would even have been able to lead the attack herself; sneaking through the shadows with soft step and hidden blade were exactly what she'd been working on. She'd rejected the plan as being too risky, too likely to result in the saboteurs being cut off, and yet…

"If we're waiting for them to die from anticipation, Princess, I think we might be here a while."

Ashlynn blinked, snapping back to the here and now. Right. In the middle of a battle. Men with swords and bows and magic trying to kill her. On the retreat for now, but Varric was right, they needed to see this done.

"Could you imagine them trying to report that to Corypheus? 'Sorry elder one, our commander was so anxious that he just keeled right over'."

Varric chuckled and Ash stepped forward, eyeing the last flight of stairs to the top of the keep. The last of the Venatori were there, and they'd fight all the fiercer for having no retreat.

"All right everyone, one last push. Let's make these Venatori regret coming here for more than just the bloody sand!"

The gathered soldiers let out a roar and, daggers in hand, Cassandra at her side, Ashlynn advanced up the stairs. There was the threshold, she could see the remnants of the Venatori gathered beyond.

"I am ready to serve Inquisitor! For the elder one!"

At the front, a staff-wielding mage unleashed fire from his hand. Ash prepared to dive aside, and then found herself enveloped by a clear blue barrier. The fireball impacted the shield and broke against it, the flames licking inches from her face without heat.

"Now that's rather a rude way to introduce oneself, wouldn't you say?"

And now Ash did dive, a smooth forward leap that took her to within inches of the Venatori leader. A blade flashed out, and then he was down, choking blood. Another shift, another step of her momentum, and then her second knife was buried in a chest. Twist, a pirouette that would have not gone amiss in an Orlesian ballroom, and a third Venatori was screaming.

"Why thank you Dorian, I do so appreciate you saving my life so that I can stab more people in the face. You're quite welcome Inquisitor, I live to facilitate your proclivity for viciously murdering my countrymen."

Ashlynn tuned him out, lost in a deadly cadence, focusing only on where next she could move, where next a dagger could be slid between vulnerable gaps in armour. Always one step ahead, always thinking where things _would _be, not where they were-

"Inquisitor, look out!"

Something- no, somebody barrelled into her from behind, hard enough to take Ash off her feet. She hit the ground with a thump, and a moment later, the wind was driven out of her as someone came down on top of her with all the weight of full armour.

Ash twisted as best she could. She wasn't moving. Stillness was death. But she needed this off of her before she could-

She was staring right into the face of an Inquisition soldier. It was blank, eyes wide, mouth still open from calling out the warning. He couldn't have been more than twenty. Ashlynn looked up, and looming above was a cultist, bloodied sword in hand.

"For the elder –" the cry was cut off with an abrupt thunk, the tip of a crossbow bolt bursting through the Venatori's chest. "…Oh," he collapsed.

Beyond was Varric. He lowered Bianca and tipped an imaginary hat to her before walking over, offering Ash his hand. "You alright there, Princess? Looks like the keep's ours now."

Ashlynn hesitated a moment before nodding, taking the hand and being pulled to her feet. She glanced down at the dead soldier. His back was soaked with blood. From what she could tell, the blade had taken him right between the shoulder blades. Varric noticed her looking. "Saw the kid tackle you down," he let out a sigh. "Shit."

"Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow," Ash murmured quietly. She looked up again. "Good work, Varric. You too, Dorian. You're my favourite person to turn to when I need help cutting throats," Ashlynn fixed her gaze on the tall flagpole above the keep's battlements. "Cassandra, give me a hand here. Let's raise our flag."

That slight grin was back on her face.

_Make sure you always smile, Ashlynn. You can't have anyone thinking that you lack for confidence!_

* * *

><p>"All men are the work of our Maker's hands, from the lowest slaves to the highest kings.<p>

Those who bring harm without provocation-"

There was a knock at the door. Ashlynn opened her eyes. Skyhold had a number of areas dedicated to devotions; the gardens had developed into what was very nearly a chantry in its own right. Ash kept away from those. Her prayers were between her and the Maker, and she chose to take them in what was effectively a repurposed storeroom tucked alongside the stables.

She waited a few seconds. She wanted, a great deal, to tell whoever was there to leave her the hell alone.

Instead she sighed softly and spoke. "Yes?"

The door opened and a hooded figure entered. Leliana. "I'm sorry for the interruption, but we have some fresh reports that need to be discussed. We'll be in the war room when you have a moment."

Ashlynn rose to her feet. It never ended. "I find myself with an excess of moments. Let's go."

The faintest trace of a smile touched Leliana's face and Ash followed her out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind her. Skyhold always seemed to be crisp and bright, and today was no exception, sun shining overhead, but the mountain air dulling the warmth. The Inquisition bustled about them as they crossed the courtyard, merchants and farmers, soldiers and craftsmen. They truly came from all walks of life, and they all looked up to Ashlynn as their leader.

Odd, really, how it turned out this way. Ash was something like sixth in line to inherit the Bannorn from her parents, and she'd been brought up with that fact made very clear. Yet for all that, she'd wound up being in charge of something big, something important. More important than any title Ashlynn cared to think of, excepting perhaps King or Divine.

Now that she had all the responsibility of being Inquisitor, however…

The pair passed Varric in Skyhold's grand hall, sharing a nod and a smile. Ash eyed the chair occupying centre stage. So many decisions made there, for better or for worse. A left turn, beyond Josephine's antechamber, and then the next door was open. The war table lay within, looming ominously.

Leliana broke off from Ashlynn's side to circle around the opposite side of the table. The other two advisors were already there; Josephine with her writing board, quill poised at the ready, Cullen as formal and battle-ready as always. Maker's Breath, if Ash didn't know better she'd say that the man slept in his armour.

"Lady Trevelyan."

"Inquisitor."

"All right, what new world-threatening crises have the nobility come up with to distract us from the _actual _world-threatening crisis?"

"Your cousin Reginald is petitioning us once again-"

Ash cut Josephine off. "The answer is still no. I don't care about the goodwill, we are _not _sending a cartful of wine to his lady friend's birthday party."

"I have a few reports of some straggling undead harassing merchants in Crestwood."

"Is that Chevalier still hanging around complaining?"

"Ser Augard remains… vocal about how little action he has seen since joining us," Leliana supplied.

"Send him and his men-at-arms. He won't stop complaining, but at least it will be out of our earshot. Either he'll get fed up and finally go home or he'll pull his weight for once. Win-win."

It went on like that for a time, and Ashlynn began to tune out. She'd never thought that these types of decisions were ones that she would one day begin to make automatically. Troop movements, spies, diplomacy, they were like learning by rote.

She'd treated Griffon Wing like that though, hadn't she? Acted like it was just another day out in the field, just another engagement. She was so… used to giving orders to the troops while barely even considering the realities of what the men faced on the ground. The amount of times that Ash could have been killed were it not for the experienced and dedicated people at her back, the number of times she'd returned the favour to them. Her troops weren't lucky enough to have a Cassandra or a Blackwall protecting their flank.

Ashlynn read the butcher's bill for each operation, of course she did. She saw the wounded come back, knew that some of them would never recover and that even if they did, they might never be the same. She cared, or at least, she thought she did. Didn't she give the orders regardless, knowing that it would mean casualties amongst her people?

"_Inquisitor, look out!"_

"Inquisitor?"

All three of Ash's advisors were looking at her expectantly. "I … can Ser Barris handle it?"

They exchanged glances. Cullen cleared his throat. "Ah… Ser Barris is occupied in Fereldan at present. Tracking demons near Redcliffe, if you recall."

"I'm also unsure that apostate mages would react very well to a templar hosting negotiations between them and, well, templars," Josephine added dubiously.

Ash rubbed her head sheepishly. "I must have misheard. How about Sky Watcher? I can't see him tolerating any nonsense between them."

"Unconventional… but these mages have been blustering a lot. The spectacle of an Avaar may convince them to see reason. Very well," Josephine wrote something with a flourish onto her board. "I'll make the necessary arrangements."

"One final matter; we have a situation developing in the western approach."

That caught Ashlynn's attention immediately. "Go on."

"The Venatori know that we've broken their ciphers," said Leliana gravely. "My spies have intercepted two messages. One claims to be mustering an attack on Griffon Wing Keep. The other speaks of a planned raid on a pair of our camps. Each claims the other attack is a feint."

"And we don't have enough men to defend both. If we reinforce one target and the Venatori hit the other in numbers, they won't be able to hold it."

Ashlynn swallowed. Josephine raised her quill. "We could order a withdrawal. I have a few contacts who could-"

"Out of the question," Cullen shook his head. "We'd be giving up everything in the approach! Our soldiers know the risks."

"Are there any other options?" Ash's voice was hardly above a murmur. On paper it was a simple choice between one thing or the other. In reality, getting this wrong would result in the deaths of dozens of good, loyal soldiers.

"We do have a nearby caravan," Leliana said after a moment. "Soldiers are escorting a materials shipment and returning some of our wounded, along with that scholar Frederic. If we diverted them back, I believe we'd be able to protect against the real attack, wherever it came."

"And leave our injured completely defenceless."

"The Inquisitor asked for options. I did not claim they would be pleasant ones."

The three looked back to Ash. "It's your call, Inquisitor. How are we to proceed?"

"I … I don't know."

Death on the one hand, death on the other. The only way to guarantee the strategic objectives were held? Sell out their wounded. When was the last time an Inquisition convoy went unmolested its entire journey? Too long. Too long.

Cullen's brow furrowed. "Inquisitor, are you-"

"I said I don't know!" the words burst out, and it was only after they were free that Ashlynn realised that she had shouted them.

Her hand trembled. Her breathing was rapid, ragged. Ash's eyes flickered from face to face; Josephine alarmed, Leliana unsure, Cullen concerned. She couldn't handle it, couldn't handle them.

Ash twisted and all but fled for the door. Someone called out to her but she was already gone. Anywhere but here.

* * *

><p>She was on the battlements when Cullen found her, sitting cross legged alongside a trapdoor up to the roof. A hand rested gently on her shoulder. She didn't look up.<p>

"Talk to me, Ashlynn."

"Fine weather we're having today," she remarked listlessly.

There was a long moment of silence. If it wasn't for Cullen's hand, Ash might have thought that he had left. Then, a soft clinking as he sat down alongside her, knee brushing hers.

"Are you all right?"

A cynical laugh bubbled up. "Just wonderful. Never happier than when playing with lives. I like to make a game of it; see how many soldiers get to stay alive for the next round of the shitty decision party!"

"It is _not_your fault, Ash. We serve the Inquisition because we want to; because we know the threat Corypheus poses."

"Do they?" Ash looked up at last. Dark eyes were wet. "They have faith in me and I repay them by sending them to their deaths. They _believe _so much that they'd sacrifice their lives for the cause. What have I done to deserve that? I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got this Maker-cursed mark on my hand, and… I can't do it Cullen, I can't do this-"

His arms wrapped around her. For a second Ashlynn was motionless, and then the first sob broke free as she buried her face in his chest. Cullen rocked her gently back and forth as she trembled, her slender frame wracked by her crying.

"It's all right," he whispered into her ear. "I'm here. I'm here for you."

"Cullen, it-it's too much…"

"Ssh. Just let it out. It's going to be okay."

Ash's hands linked around his waist and she drew back, just a little. "What if I can't do it?" her voice was thick with the tears still trickling down her tricks. "I can't even protect the troops. How am I supposed to save the entire world?"

Cullen cupped her chin, oh so very gentle, two fingers caressing her cheek. "Ashlynn, you give yourself far too little credit. You're in charge because you were chosen, not because of the mark. They trust you – we _all _trust you because you earned it, and since then, you've proven over and over that you deserve it more than anyone else."

"But-"

"Stop tearing yourself to pieces. You're doing your best, and that's more than I can say for many people. You care, Ash, and that's why, well…"

He finished the thought with a kiss. Tender, warm. Ash closed her eyes and leaned in as close as she could. Everything else faded away into the background, just the two of them there together, without cares or worries.

It broke after what could have been years. Ashlynn's eyes were, all of a sudden, focused as they gazed deep into Cullen's.

"Dragon lures."

Cullen looked like that was about the last thing he'd expected her to say. "What?"

"We still have dragon lures out in the approach," Ash hopped to her feet, gesturing broadly. "We stopped using them as soon as we realised it would actually bring the dragon down on our heads. But if we place them near to our camps the night the Venatori plan to attack…" Ashlynn broke into a grin, and this time, it shone, it went all the way to her eyes, still a little damp. "We drop a dragon on their heads! It'll be perfect!"

"And I thought I'd finished serving insane madwomen back in Kirkwall."

Ashlynn paused, hatch back down the tower flung open. "Cullen?" the mirth was gone as abruptly as it had come. "Thank you. Thank you for being here."

Cullen crossed his hand over his chest. "Always."


End file.
